Spin Cycle Through Hell

So normally I write about food. And by normally I mean when my lazy ass gets around to it. But let me switch to the other side of food - burning it off. 

And now... an hour of my life broken down for you. 

6:54P: Sign in and realize I have nothing to help me avoid other people. Go out to car to get phone.

6:58P: Ushered into a tiny room filled with deconstructed bikes after looking incredibly important for 4 min

6:59P: I have to put together my own equipment?! Gold's doesn't make me do that! 

7:02P: Hardest. Seat. Ever. 

7:03P: Loud music. Instructor shouts something about hills and sprints and being on her leg. Confusion.

7:10P: Why does she keep yelling out numbers?

7:15P: Oh sitting = weak.

7:16P: Fuck. I have only been doing this for 15 min.

7:18P: That clock is slow.

7:20P: I will never need a colonoscopy. Thanks incredibly hard and horribly positioned bike seat!

7:21: Who chooses this music? Why is it so loud? Why am I so old? 

7:26P: Check woman next to me. Hello blond woman less than 6 inches from my face. 

7:26:02: Thank God she's sitting down. 

7:32P: Bored. LA LA LA LA. Pedaling. LA LA LA. Oh I guess I can sit to recover. 

7:40P: Wait is this supposed to be HARDER or easier? 

7:45P: Girl in front of me needs a sandwich. Girl next to her needs a rack of ribs and a milkshake. 

7:50P: THANK JESUS are we going to cool down... oh GUESS NOT. 

8:02P: Oh I need to take the bike APART again? UNION! 

Outstanding questions: 

1) I rode a bike for an hour today and never actually went anywhere. What kind of sadistic insane shit is that?

2) Why do we sit so close to each other? Sharon (aka blond woman six inches from my face) is lovely. If we're feeling an impromptu lesbian moment, well then, we're all set what with her being in my MOLARS. 

3) The instructor would occasionally yell out "TRAVEL!" What? Who? Travel WHERE? I am bolted to pedals in a hot room. 

4) Why are we shimmying? I AM PEDALING FURIOUSLY. 

Needless to say, I don't know if spinning is my thing. I am a runner. Not a great runner. Not a fast runner. But a runner. And while I am sure that I burned a shit ton of calories (thank Jeebus), I don't feel like I accomplished something. At the end of this class, I felt sweaty and gross and in the same place I started. 

In FULL DISCLOSURE, I have been trying to get into the BASICS class for WEEKS now - which I am sure is the majority of the source of my frustration. I HATE not knowing what's going on. Also, I hate losing. And being bad at stuff. And being off beat. 

What? I AM TYPE A DAMMIT. 

So yeah. Basics class. Then a full-spin rundown.